The Weekly Screed (#675)

Who is Ben Gozzy, and
why the hell doesn’t he shut up? 
By David Benjamin 

“Gowdy’s rapid ascent in the party fits closely with what House Republicans are doing in this midterm election year: abandoning any pretense of legislating in favor of unremitting hostilities with the White House.”      — Dana Milbank, The Washington Post

MADISON, Wis. — One of the most encouraging developments that I’ve seen in America’s ever-expanding Parallel Universe came this week when the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) anointed its donors as “Benghazi watchdogs,” the shock troops of “Chief Watchdog” Trey Gowdy, Congressman from South Carolina. These vigilant patriots will be helping to raise money — in Gowdy’s words — “on the backs of four murdered Americans.”

Unfortunately, so many citizens who wax violently wroth at the very mention of “Benghazi” have forgotten — or never learned — what happened on that terrible day. To correct this info dearth and to swell the coffers of the NRCC, I’ve put together a little “watchdog quiz,” which will help determine whether — as you rage and fume about the White House’s Benghazi shenanigans — you have any idea what you’re raging and fuming about.

Read this to a fellow patriot, then take it yourself. Check both your answers.

1) Spell Benghazi.

2) What is Benghazi? Town, city, county, prefecture, country, archipelago?

3) Whatever it is, what country is Benghazi in?

4) And it’s located on which continent?

5) What was the date of the tragedy?

6) Who was the famous former leader of Libya?

7) Spell his name.

8) Libya’s capital is mentioned in a famous American song? What’s the song?

9) Four Americans were killed, on Barack Obama’s watch, as a result of U.S. intelligence failures, in Benghazi. Name one of the dead.

10) Twenty Americans were killed and 372 wounded, on Bill Clinton’s watch, as a result of U.S. intelligence failures, in the Khobar Towers bombing, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, in 1996. Name one of the dead.

11) Two hundred ninety-nine American and French servicemen were killed, on Ronald Reagan’s watch, as a result of U.S. intelligence failures, in the bombing of the Marine barracks at Beirut Airport in 1983. Name one of the dead.

12) Two thousand nine hundred seventy-seven people of all nationalities were killed, on George W. Bush’s watch, as a result of U.S. intelligence failures, in the attacks on American soil of September 11, 2001. Name one of the dead.

13) How much has been spent so far by Congressional panels to investigate talking points delivered by Susan Rice on “Meet the Press” the Sunday after the Benghazi killings?

14) Susan Rice was: a) NSA director; b) Hillary Clinton’s assistant secretary of state; c) US ambassador to the UN; d) White House spokeswoman

15) How many pages of government documents have been printed  as a result of these investigations? A) 850; b) 25,000; c) 3,700; d) 480,000

16) A bill providing additional funds for security at the U.S. mission in Benghazi was defeated by Republican opposition in Congress: True or False?

17) A GOP report to the House Armed Services Committee stated that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton ordered troops defending the U.S. mission in Benghazi to “stand down.” True or False?

18) The CIA found Al Qaeda culpable for the Benghazi killings. True or False?

19) A bipartisan report by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence found “no efforts by the White House or any other executive branch entities to ‘cover up’ facts or make alterations for political purposes.” True or False?

20) The perpetrators of the killings have been caught. True or False?

21) Since September 2012, Libya’s government has been led by a) Mohamed Magarief; b) Giuma Ahmed Atigha; c) Nouri Abusahmain; d) Ahmed Maiteeq; e) all of the above.

22) Various sources have attributed the planning and execution of the Benghazi murders to a) the Omar Abdul Rahman Brigades; b) Islamic Maghreb; c) Al Qaeda; d) the CIA; e) the Muhammad Jamal Network; f) the Omar Abdurrahman group; g) Barack Obama; h) Ansar al-Sharia; i) all of the above.

23) According to Internet sources, an autopsy (declared Top Secret by the White House) proved that U.S. ambassador Chris Stevens died of a) gunshot wounds; b) smoke inhalation; c) bomb shrapnel; d) lethal injection because he knew too much about Hillary’s role in the whole stinking mess; e) all of the above.

24) “Innocence of Muslims” is a) an Al Jazeera TV special about Benghazi; b) an Iranian bestseller written by Ayatollah Ali Khamenei; c) a viral anti-Muslim video implicated in the Benghazi killings; d) a red herring used by the White House to cover up the President’s criminal negligence in Benghazi.

25) The goal of the new House Select Committee, chaired by Trey Gowdy (R-S.C.) is to a) find out who killed Chris Stevens; b) nail Susan Rice once and for all; c) manufacture an issue for Republican campaign ads; d) subpoena Hillary Clinton and expose her as a lying sack of crap; e) humor the Tea Party loonies by placing one of their ‘toons in charge of a prominent, though pointless, corruption probe.

Answers: What? You want answers from me? I’ve spent too much time already in this delusional rathole. If you really care about Benghazi, go ahead! Look it all up yourself.