With friends like these…
by David Benjamin
“…
the Islamic State, or ISIS, is homegrown; its aim is not to strike far
away, but to spread and impose its vision of Islamic society right here
and right now…”
— Thomas L. Friedman in Dubai
MADISON, Wis. — OK, this girl in Pakistan, Malala Yousafzai, got shot in the face by a squad of emotionally twisted, mentally retarded religious zealots.
Shot. With an assault rifle. In the face!
Why?
Because she went to school — in a society where girls are required by
God to remain submissive and illiterate, and kept under house arrest in,
preferably, a state of perpetual pregnancy.
And it’s not over.
Right now, there’s a global guerrilla army of like-minded retards
festering to finish Malala off, with seven or eight more bullets. In the
face!
Best of all, according to last week’s news, the whole
nation of Pakistan — which is one of America’s allies — is pulling for
the retards. A group of 150,000 private schools
in Pakistan, representing what pretty much seems like the national
consensus, has resolved to teach all its pupils — let’s say there’s
about 20 million of them — that Malala is an evil bitch who deserved to
get shot in the face, because she offends Islam and the “ideology of
Pakistan.”
I gotta ask: What is wrong with these people? And why are they our friends?
OK, a while ago, these two Pakistani brothers
got arrested for digging up dead people and eating them. They got off
because, in Pakistan, cannibalism is not illegal. So, after they got
sprung, guess what? The Zombie Brothers, Jake and Elwood, headed back to
the cemetery, dug up a fresh infant corpse and ate its liver — with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Again: Why are these people our friends?
OK,
in Afghanistan, there was this long-running story about a girl who —
according to national custom — was sold in marriage (on layaway, for
about the price of a two-slot toaster) when she was about six years old,
to a hairy old guy in the next village. She was supposed to marry this
horny pedophile when she was 12 or so, but she resisted, fell in love
with a younger guy whom she actually knew, and eloped with him. Of
course, her mother and father, and brothers, and her entire village, and
the hairy pedophile, eventually caught up with the girl. They murdered
her, and her husband. Everybody in Afghanistan — which is another U.S.
ally, where thousands of Americans have died defending the “ideology of
Afghanistan” — thought the girl was asking for it. Family honor required
her violent death — ideally by stoning her — while she was still a
teenager.
Again, I gotta ask: Why are these people our friends?
OK,
another one of our biggest allies is India, right? For years now, it’s
been really popular to send pregnant girls to “doctors” whose practice
consists mainly of doing ultra-sound scans
to determine the sex of fetuses. Typically, if the fetus has the bad
judgment to be a girl, good old Doc Sonogram intervenes, vacuuming the
inappropriate succubus from the little mommy’s womb so that she can more
quickly atone for her fallopian blunder by breeding a male. The result
of this practice has been a gross male/female imbalance. All those
frustrated surplus boys have turned India into the world capital of gang
rapes. Even when the victim isn’t torn apart and literally raped to
death, traditionalists tend to regard the assault as her fault. Like
women in Pakistan, Iraq, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and other cherished
American allies, she’s less likely to be comforted than shunned, if not
prosecuted as a shameless slut — or summarily murdered by Mom and Dad.
In
India — same place — half the population drops its feces outdoors, in
streets, yards and fields where children play. Six hundred twenty
million Indian kids grow up ankle-deep in human shit, without ever
finding a pony. At the moment, India has no serious plans to introduce
basic sanitation into the lives of its lower-caste riffraff. Indian kids
will be walking around in a brown soup of disease and death for
generations to come. But hey, India has the Bomb.
One more time: Why are these people our friends?
Presumably,
we tolerate these murderers, misogynists, rapists and religious nuts
because we share with them enemies who are even more awful. Maybe so.
But, if we just gave up on these throwbacks, what’s the worst that could
happen?
OK, Americans tend to deplore religious beheadings,
forced marriages, judicial amputations, cannibals, pedophiles,
gender-choice feticide, gang rape, sexual subjugation, illiteracy, child
soldiers, slavery, shooting little girls in the face, letting cows roam
the streets and playgrounds that ooze with raw sewage.
But all
these attitudes leave America hopelessly out of step with dozens of
nations and billions of people who think they’re gonna go to hell if
they don’t decapitate the occasional infidel or strangle the odd
daughter.
This is a trend too big for a mere superpower like the
U.S.A. to defy. And why should we try? Legions of true believers are
slaughtering their own people and destroying civil institutions faster
than we could accomplish with a million drone attacks every day. Guided
by the Islamic State, billions are streaking fervently back to the Dark
Ages in a Klingon Bird-of-Prey at warp speed. So, let ‘em go. Let human
regression (and poop) spread from Syria to Bangladesh.
I know
this sounds crazy, but I think it’ll turn out fine. Eventually — if we
leave them be, with their swords, their scripture and their worst selves
— even the religious sadists of ISIS will grow weary of beheading their
brothers, enslaving their mothers and shooting little girls on their
way to school.
Or, more likely, those brothers, mothers and little girls will grow weary of the religious sadists, and start shooting them.
Preferably, in the face.
Monday, November 17, 2014
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