The Weekly Screed (#930)

The Islamic siege of Verona

By David Benjamin

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…”

                                — U.S. Constitution, First Amendment

MADISON, Wis. — My friend Ivan (not his real name) in Verona is under siege. The Muslim invasion there is all around him. Mohammed’s spawn are breeding like fruit flies and will soon, by sheer demographic momentum, take over the government not only of Verona, Dane County and Wisconsin, but will install in the White House our second Muslim president (after Barack Hussein Obama). After that — unless, right now, before the Ottoman takeover, all fifty states ban it preemptively — shariawill become the law of the land.

Adulteresses stoned to death in the public square! Promiscuous teenage girls stripped and flogged by giant eunuchs. Shopifters walking around with bloody stumps instead of hands. Shopping malls crawling with burqa-shrouded harems.

I’m apprised of this threat because Ivan is a willing receptacle of really interesting, although occasionally misspelled bulletins — always posted entirely in capital letters in 72-point type on a brilliant gold or crimson background (sometimes the giant letters even throb sensuously) — on the World Wide Web. 

Sharia panic, a visceral fear that Christians will be swept from the land in a tsunami of Islamic anchor babies, hasn’t struck only Verona. Eight frightened U.S. states have banned shariapreventively and, in 2010, Oklahoma (where Muslims are ominously verging on one percent of the population) passed a referendum that made sharia unconstitutional there — only to see it struck down by a federal judge with naked Muslim sympathies. 

Ivan alerted me to the Muslim fecundity horror by passing along an anonymous (these things are always anonymous) Facebook shriek that read, “In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the Uinted STates [sic] to elect the President. I think everyone in the U.S. should be required to read this but with ACLU there is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on. This is your chance to make a difference.”

Luckily for Ivan and me, the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) failed in its apparent mission to suppress the civil liberties of the nameless author. I had seen it before. But I was left with a nagging question: “Read this?Read what? Might there be more to this manifesto than these terse and suggestive 56 words?”

Well, yeah. Turns out there is.

I love tracking propaganda backward in time on the Web. In a cursory search, I traced Ivan’s message to 13 May 2019, when it apparently infested a million emails and Facebook feeds. My search unearthed three different fact checks, all of which confirmed that, yes, Muslims are a prolific breed, multiplying significantly faster than, say, Episcopalian NASCAR drivers and Presbyterian spinsters. However, even at their rabbitlike rates of copulation, American Muslims are starting out way behind their semi-celibate Christian rivals, who outnumber them 66 to 1. By 2050, according to the Pew Research Center, the Muslim share of the U.S. populace will double from about one percent nowadays to just over two percent. 

Needless to say, it’s hard to elect anybody with two percent of the vote, even if you could get all the Muslims to agree with one another — which they do not (cf., Shiites vs. Sunnis).

However, all this foofaraw about Islamic fertility became for me, a diversion, because I know how the Web works. I didn’t believe, even momentarily, that the 56 fearful words shared by Ivan were the real beginning of this juicy fever dream. 

I kept scrolling ’til I found what I expected. Ivan’s second-hand warning had apparently captivated the racist universe as long ago as May 2010. As I kept reading, I slipped deeper into the past, to a letter seemingly written in January 2010. 

The letter recounts a dialog that allegedly took place during a religious diversity training session at a prison in Missouri. It’s a long story, but at the climax, the (anonymous) author shatters the devious pretense of a Muslim imamby getting the cleric to admit that all Muslims are committed, by command of the Q’uran, to homicidal jihad. Allah commands that they murder every Christian they see. Yes, it’s true, confesses the imam, bowing his head in shame. We are the zealots in your midst, thirsting for your blood and lusting after your snow-white daughters.

This devastating contretemps ends with the call to action that has lingered as a right-wing meme, “ In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the U.S. To elect the President… [blah blah]… This is your chance to make a difference…”

Here was the answer to my question. When the author said, “Read this!”, I wasn’t just supposed to read only the end of the letter. I had to read the whole thing, which had gotten amputated from its peroration and sent wandering the Internet for more than a decade. 

A decade? No, longer than that!

The joy of Web-digging is that almost every hole is bottomless. Continuing my trip on the Wayback Machine, I was able to trace the origins of Ivan’s cruelly truncated anti-Muslim alarum to January 2005. Here was the same old letter, word for word — but no! Wait. I found it again, even further back in time, dated in May 2003, with a reference to Pope John Paul — who died in 2005.

Zounds! You know what this means? If Mr. Anonymous is right, the Doomsday clock started ticking in ’03 and our twenty year’s grace is almost up. The 2020 election will be the last before the Muslims take control in 2024 — one year after they achieve their demographic dominion.

Okay, enough of this drivel. Here’s the spoiler. 

The letter from Anonymous was a fabrication loosely based on an actual incident. The true part is that there was a diversity workshop, operated by the Mission Gate Prison Ministry, at a Missouri jail. A speaker explained Islam, but he was not humiliated and forced to admit to a vast Koranic mass murder plot. The guy wasn’t even an imam(and possibly not a Muslim), just “an inmate pressed into service to present a short film on Islam and answer some questions when the prison's Volunteer Coordinator could not find an imam to speak.” Not a lot of mosques in Missouri.

Not a lot of mosques in Verona, either. 

Well, none. The closest is fourteen miles away, in Madison, where I spend my days tripping over Muslim toddlers. But just because his block ain’t got no Mohammedans does not hinder Ivan’s right to “share” with his virtual friends online (and real friends like me) a toxic and ludicrous continuum of evergreen hate speech. Nor can it shake his faith, that, despite all evidence to the contrary, there are throngs of jihadists out there, unseen but numberless, biding their time ’til the deep state unleashes them — spurring their camels, brandishing their scimitars and yodeling “Allahu akbar!”— on the helpless Christian villagers of Verona.

Or, as Brother Chiboinkin once said, “The price of paranoia is constant vigilance.”